My Brown Eyed Girl

The other day, I was brushing my four year old daughter's hair after a shower. 

"You have beautiful hair like your birth mom," I told her. 

"I miss her!" she replied. "Do you know where she lives so you can take me to visit her?" she asked.

"No, I don't. But we will probably see her on Halloween. She likes to go trick-or-treating."

"Yippee!" She squealed. 

Ever since this conversation, she has talking about seeing her birth family on Halloween. For some adoptive parents, this would have been an uncomfortable exchange with their child, but this is a normal discussion in our family. My four year old daughter doesn't remember much about her birth parents since she has lived with us from infancy, but she knows about her adoption. In the depths of her little heart, she has a special place reserved for her birth mom and dad, and I encourage that. 

It is very important to me that she treasures the beautiful things about herself that come from her biological family. I have hazel eyes and my husband's eyes are bright blue, but she is our brown eyed girl. We are both very tall, but she is so very tiny. We were both generally compliant children, and she is full of fire and strong will. I love all of these things about her so much. I want her to know this. I love all of her, even and especially the traits that don't come from how I am raising her. 

Her birth family has many values, habits, and problems that we pray she doesn't take on as her own when she is grown, but she doesn't need to know about this yet. In time, she will ask why. She will want to know why these people who loved her so much and gave her life did not raise her. When those days come, we will explain a little at a time the reasons why. 

Yet I know in my heart the reason why she is mine is because God ordained her to be mine. His hand was always upon her, protecting her, keeping her safe for me. He prompted her birth mother's heart to pick up the phone at desperate times and ask me to come and take the tiny baby she loved into my home. He provided clothing and diapers and bottles and babysitters through people led by His Spirit to love us into our new role as parents. He calmed my anxious heart and answered my desperate prayers to make her forever mine. And now my prayer is that He would make her forever His, that through my parenting she would know the love of her heavenly Father.

Ephesians 1:11

We were also chosen to belong to him. God decided to choose us long ago in keeping with his plan. He works out everything to fit his plan and purpose. (NIRV)