Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Serenity

Parenting is hard. I often feel like a failure. Sometimes it seems like no matter what we try, we can't get through to our children. Behaviors continue despite every attempt to correct them. The house is a mess all the time. I often wonder to myself if I am really qualified for this job of raising godly children?

Then I saw this,


And I remembered the serenity prayer.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. I cannot change my children. That is up to God.

The courage to change the things I can. I can change my response to my children's behaviors from anger to self-control.

And the wisdom to know the difference. So God, give me your wisdom in those challenging moments. Help me to have a calm response, grant me serenity.





Friday, September 21, 2012

Culture of Lies

Our adoptions may not be inter-racial, but they certainly are cross-cultural. My middle children, Mackenzee and Braydyn, lived several years with their birth family in a culture of dishonesty. They learned to speak the language of lies fluently and effortlessly. They were taught by example that lying gets you good things: money, sympathy, and attention. They also learned that by lying you can escape blame and avoid consequences for wrong actions. But Satan is the father of lies, and eventually truth is brought to light. There is no escaping the punishment and suffering for sin. 

As a mother, my heart is grieved over the sins of my children. I suffer when my children suffer. But the same is true for my children. They have suffered so much for the sins of their birth parents. Sometimes I wonder if the suffering will ever end, but I find hope for my children in God's word.

"'What?' you ask.  'Doesn't the child pay for the parent's sins? No! For if the child does what is just and right and keeps my decrees, that child will surely live. The person who sins is the one who will die. The child will not be punished for the parent's sins, and the parent will not be punished for the child's sins. Righteous people will be rewarded for their own righteous behavior, and wicked people will be punished for their own wickedness." (Ezekiel 18:19-20 NLT)

The hope is found in one simple word: if. If my children do what is just and right and keep God's decrees, they will escape punishment.  It is my task; therefore, to teach my children this principle when they are young so that when they are grown they will love righteousness. As a mother, I want my children to have life just as the Heavenly Father wants his children to have life. "I don't want you to die, says the Sovereign LORD. Turn back and live!" (Ezekiel 18:32 NLT)

Now I realize the most important lesson I can teach my children is repentance. I explained to my daughter that her lies are called sin because God says not to lie. Then I told her that sin is what separates her from God and the reason why Jesus had to die on the cross for her forgiveness. After I explained this, I asked her to pray about her behavior. 

It worked! She came into my room and quietly admitted that she has been lying. She prayed aloud and wept. "God, help me do better. I hope you can forgive me, and I hope my mom forgives me too." Then I had the joy of quoting this verse to her. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."(1 John 1:9 NIV) I told her that God does forgive her and so do I.  

As a parent, I must teach my children that there are consequences for sin. The punishment brings sorrow to the child, but "godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation." (2 Corinthians 7:10)
And repentance is what changes behavior. God says, "Prove by the way you live that you have repented of your sins and turned to God." (Matthew 3:8 NLT)




Tuesday, September 18, 2012

My Brown Eyed Girl

The other day, I was brushing my four year old daughter's hair after a shower. 
"You have beautiful hair like your birth mom," I told her. 
"I miss her!" she replied. "Do you know where she lives so you can take me to visit her?" she asked.
"No, I don't. But we will probably see her on Halloween. She likes to go trick-or-treating."
"Yippee!" She squealed. 

Ever since this conversation, she has talking about seeing her birth family on Halloween. For some adoptive parents, this would have been an uncomfortable exchange with their child, but this is a normal discussion in our family. My four year old daughter doesn't remember much about her birth parents since she has lived with us from infancy, but she knows about her adoption. In the depths of her little heart, she has a special place reserved for her birth mom and dad, and I encourage that. 

It is very important to me that she treasures the beautiful things about herself that come from her biological family. I have hazel eyes and my husband's eyes are bright blue, but she is our brown eyed girl. We are both very tall, but she is so very tiny. We were both generally compliant children, and she is full of fire and strong will. I love all of these things about her so much. I want her to know this. I love all of her, even and especially the traits that don't come from how I am raising her. 

Her birth family has many values, habits, and problems that we pray she doesn't take on as her own when she is grown, but she doesn't need to know about this yet. In time, she will ask why. She will want to know why these people who loved her so much and gave her life did not raise her. When those days come, we will explain a little at a time the reasons why. 

Yet I know in my heart the reason why she is mine is because God ordained her to be mine. His hand was always upon her, protecting her, keeping her safe for me. He prompted her birth mother's heart to pick up the phone at desperate times and ask me to come and take the tiny baby she loved into my home. He provided clothing and diapers and bottles and babysitters through people led by His Spirit to love us into our new role as parents. He calmed my anxious heart and answered my desperate prayers to make her forever mine. And now my prayer is that He would make her forever His, that through my parenting she would know the love of her heavenly Father.

Ephesians 1:11
We were also chosen to belong to him. God decided to choose us long ago in keeping with his plan. He works out everything to fit his plan and purpose. (NIRV)