Friday, September 11, 2015

Resist Apathy

One week ago today, we launched CAFO of the Midlands as a local movement of Christians from the Midlands collaborating on behalf of South Carolina children in foster care and orphans globally. A group of seven believers met in a coffee shop early in the morning and prayed with power and conviction for God himself to work a miracle in our broken foster care system. I was energized by the enthusiasm and determination of the others in that prayer circle. I was filled with hope and convinced that the Lord was moving in a mighty way.

And then I went back to the office, to the daily grind, to the complaints and frustrations of a red tape system that seems to hinder the well-being of those it is meant to protect. I found myself neck deep in the complications of scheduling inspections, arranging trainings, and filing seemingly redundant paperwork. I found myself griping and groaning and wanting to give up. I actually threatened to flush my own head in the toilet out of sheer exasperation. The forecast for the future of foster care seemed utterly hopeless.

Oh, how small is my faith? Jesus said in John 14:12-14,Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."

So then, I must choose to resist the apathy that is threatening to extinguish my flickering belief in the power of prayer. I must hold fast to the promise that Jesus will do miracles through me as I pray in line with his will.

To learn more about the mission of CAFO visit www.facebook.com/CAFOoftheMidlands and www.christianalliancefororphans.org.

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Darkness to Light

Before I begin this blog, I want to clearly state that all suspicion of child abuse or neglect should be reported to the authorities on every occasion. If you don't know the local child abuse hotline number for where you live, please call 911 and report to law enforcement.

First of all, let me clarify that this post is not primarily about Josh Duggar, his parents, or his alleged victims. This post is primarily about families who have been affected by sexual abuse, and we are everywhere you look. Yes, we are everywhere you look. I do not intend to give specifics to the public regarding the sexual abuse within my family, but I will say that it has affected me personally both as a child and a mother. It has also affected those in my extended family, many close friends, and my church. Beyond that, I have professionally investigated over a hundred claims of sexual abuse of children and worked with at least twenty families affected by interfamilial child on child sexual abuse. In my present job, I advocate for adults to open their homes to children who have experienced sexual abuse both as victims and perpetrators. So let me make this very clear: sexual abuse within families is not rare!

When you fill my news feed with your personal opinions, they affect me personally. They affect so many of the people you love and respect personally. I have been silent on this public outrage regarding the Duggar family's experience, carefully considering how to respond. Many will remain silent on this topic, fearing your judgment on their private struggle. You have no idea which of your co-workers, friends, or even family members are silently grieving the public ruin of this family. Out of respect for those whom they love; who they wouldn't dare expose to the public their very private experience of sexual abuse. Blaming the parents for the actions of a child, who clearly acted outside of the moral guidance they provided, is absurd. Accusing them of failing their daughters is appalling.

According to the police report which has been released, the allegations of child sexual abuse were handled by trained professionals who followed the policies, procedures, and laws related to child abuse. Each family member was personally interviewed regarding the incidents, and a conclusion was made by law enforcement and child protection professionals. When you proclaim that these parents should have their children removed from their custody, you are speaking out of ignorance. Unless you personally investigated these claims and gathered evidence firsthand to make this conclusion based on professional training, you are not qualified to make that judgment call.

These are the facts. A child fondled his siblings on multiple occasions. In each instance, both children were fully clothed, and the offended child was unaware of the incident, whether asleep or too young to recognize the inappropriate nature of the touch. The conclusion was made that these incidents did not constitute the legal definition of sexual abuse. In addition, based on the evidence, the parents were not found to be neglectful in their response to the sexual behavior. As a professional in this field, I have made the same conclusion given similar circumstances on multiple occasions. The parents created a safety plan, including strict supervision of the offending child, yet the behavior somehow continued. Upon learning this information, the parents separated the offending child from the family for a period of time to receive correction and counseling from a trusted person who shared their values regarding healthy sexuality. The parents took appropriate steps to protect the other children in the house. Since the children who had been violated did not recall the incidents, professional counseling for them would not have been recommended or even appropriate.

I am sure that my opinion that Josh Duggar is not a child molester will not be popular. As a child, he displayed sexually maladaptive behavior, which was identified and corrected. There is no reason why he should not have a successful career due to his past, nor is there reason to believe that his children are in danger because of it. In addition, there is no reason to believe that his sisters, who were offended by Josh's actions, are brainwashed or crazy for forgiving him. I am thankful that my own inappropriate and even illegal teenage behavior is not held against me as an adult. Although I participated in underage drinking, pot smoking, and teen sex before legal age of consent, I have become a social worker, foster parent, and pastor's wife. I dare to say that my own past has made me a more passionate advocate for families and children. My God has turned the darkness into light.

    If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
    even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you. (Psalm 139:11-12)