Who is Amie, Adoptive Mom?

Amie Cooper is passionate about foster care and adoption. As a college student, Amie spent a summer as a missionary doing orphan ministry in Zambia, Africa. After graduating with her Bachelor of Science in Family and Child Development from Liberty University, Amie pursued a full-time career in social work. Before having children, she worked as a case manager for the Department of Child Services in Indiana, investigating child abuse and neglect, placing children in foster homes, and facilitating adoptions when family reunification was not in a child’s best interest.

Overwhelmed by the lack of foster and adoptive families within their community, Amie and her husband Zach made a decision to become foster parents themselves. Nevaeh came to live with them at 2 ½ months old, followed by Christina at age 15 just six months later. Another six months after that, Mackenzee and Braydyn were placed in their home, and a year later they found out they were pregnant! That’s right, the Coopers went from 0 to 5 children in just 2 ½ years! In fact, they finalized four adoptions and welcomed baby Levi all in a year’s span!

After filling up her own home, Amie began recruiting other families to foster and adopt, which has recently led her family to South Carolina with SAFY as the statewide recruiter. Amie’s heart’s desire is to encourage families to pursue foster care and adoption, which spills over from her home life to her full-time career and her writing. You can read more from Amie Cooper on her personal blog, Adoptive Mom Amie, in an upcoming devotional, and a book in the works with her husband on pursuing God’s path as a family.

But, What If?

I am so blessed beyond measure. I really can't complain. I have a hilarious and handsome husband that I absolutely adore. We have five incredible children. I have the career of my dreams with a flexible schedule and even a paid day off for my birthday. I live in the sunny south, just a quick drive from the beach in a house big enough for guests. My parents are both alive and well. My sisters are my best friends. 

But, what if something goes terribly wrong? What if my husband doesn't think I'm attractive any more because my belly looks like a Dunkin Donut? What if my inconsistent parenting causes attachment disorder and my children can't form healthy relationships with others? What if I can't live up to the expectations of my boss, lose my job, and put our family into financial ruin? What if my husband dies at a young age and I become a single mother, forced to move back in with my parents for the rest of my life?

Okay, these fears might sound a bit extreme, but I know I am not the only one struggling with anxious thoughts about the future. I read Facebook posts every day from other women who sound completely stressed out about the future. Sometimes anxiety gets so out of hand, that worries about tomorrow steal the joy away from today. Matthew 6:34 says, "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself."

Rather than worry, God commands me not to fear. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God (Philippians 4: 6). Regardless of the circumstances, Christ wants us to trust Him with the outcome. This does not mean that we should never have feelings of anxiety or thoughts of worry. Rather, when these feelings and thoughts come into our hearts and mind, we overcome them through prayer and petition to God. Once we present our requests, we must allow His peace to guard our hearts and minds from anxiety.

Deliverance Among the Survivors

My name is Amie, and I'm a believer in Christ who struggles with love addiction, anxiety, and depression. I completed a 12 step recovery program, where together with my sisters in Christ and my sponsor, I admitted that I was powerless over my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life was unmanageable. As I waded through the traumas and terrible choices of my past, I started to recognize unhealthy patterns in my life.

I understood that anxiety about the future gripped my mind and paralyzed me. After I memorized the Serenity Prayer, I replayed these words over and over to help me overcome. "...Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace, taking as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it, trusting that you will make all things right if I surrender to your will..."

During the study, Joel 2:25-28 and verse 30 became my hope and my comfort (emphasis mine).
 “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—
    the great locust and the young locust,
    the other locusts and the locust swarm—
my great army that I sent among you.
²⁶ You will have plenty to eat, until you are full,
    and you will praise the name of the Lord your God,
    who has worked wonders for you;
never again will my people be shamed.
²⁷ Then you will know that I am in Israel,
    that I am the Lord your God,
    and that there is no other;
never again will my people be shamed.
²⁸ “And afterward,
    I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
    your old men will dream dreams,
    your young men will see visions...
³² And everyone who calls
    on the name of the Lord will be saved;
for on Mount Zion and in Jerusalem
    there will be deliverance,    as the Lord has said,
even among the survivors
    whom the Lord calls.

The LORD knows the depths of my sin and the sins committed against me. I am confident of my salvation. But I struggle to entrust my children fully to Him. I panic at the thought of them one day leaving home, never to return or acknowledge my love. I worry that the confusion of their past will harden their hearts against me and cause them to turn away. I desperately want to fix them, to change them, to help them see the beauty that can come from brokenness. The LORD knows the depths of depravity that my children's biological families exposed them to and evil deeds done against them in their innocence. The LORD knows I am incapable of healing their wounds, yet He entrusted their lives into my hands as their mother.

I must trust The One who will repay the years the locusts have eaten from our lives, the years of abuse, neglect, abandonment, and shame. I must trust the one who will provide the food to fill the bellies of the once hungry and terrified children so they will always have plenty to eat. I must trust The One who will pour out His Spirit on my sons and daughters, so they will tell of His work in their lives, how He is the one who brings deliverance to survivors.

I am the mother that He chose for my children, not because of my great wisdom, but because of my complete dependence upon His guidance. Because He is faithful, I am able to trust. And when I trust, I am able to enjoy the moments rather than worry the days away, missing the beauty of His hand in all of our lives, bringing all things together for good for those who love Him and are called by Him.

Serenity

Parenting is hard. I often feel like a failure. Sometimes it seems like no matter what we try, we can't get through to our children. Behaviors continue despite every attempt to correct them. The house is a mess all the time. I often wonder to myself if I am really qualified for this job of raising godly children?

Then I saw this,

And I remembered the serenity prayer.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. I cannot change my children. That is up to God.

The courage to change the things I can. I can change my response to my children's behaviors from anger to self-control.

And the wisdom to know the difference. So God, give me your wisdom in those challenging moments. Help me to have a calm response, grant me serenity.

Culture of Lies

Our adoptions may not be inter-racial, but they certainly are cross-cultural. My middle children, Mackenzee and Braydyn, lived several years with their birth family in a culture of dishonesty. They learned to speak the language of lies fluently and effortlessly. They were taught by example that lying gets you good things: money, sympathy, and attention. They also learned that by lying you can escape blame and avoid consequences for wrong actions. But Satan is the father of lies, and eventually truth is brought to light. There is no escaping the punishment and suffering for sin. 

As a mother, my heart is grieved over the sins of my children. I suffer when my children suffer. But the same is true for my children. They have suffered so much for the sins of their birth parents. Sometimes I wonder if the suffering will ever end, but I find hope for my children in God's word.

"'What?' you ask.  'Doesn't the child pay for the parent's sins? No! For if the child does what is just and right and keeps my decrees, that child will surely live. The person who sins is the one who will die. The child will not be punished for the parent's sins, and the parent will not be punished for the child's sins. Righteous people will be rewarded for their own righteous behavior, and wicked people will be punished for their own wickedness." (Ezekiel 18:19-20 NLT)

The hope is found in one simple word: if. If my children do what is just and right and keep God's decrees, they will escape punishment.  It is my task; therefore, to teach my children this principle when they are young so that when they are grown they will love righteousness. As a mother, I want my children to have life just as the Heavenly Father wants his children to have life. "I don't want you to die, says the Sovereign LORD. Turn back and live!" (Ezekiel 18:32 NLT)

Now I realize the most important lesson I can teach my children is repentance. I explained to my daughter that her lies are called sin because God says not to lie. Then I told her that sin is what separates her from God and the reason why Jesus had to die on the cross for her forgiveness. After I explained this, I asked her to pray about her behavior. 

It worked! She came into my room and quietly admitted that she has been lying. She prayed aloud and wept. "God, help me do better. I hope you can forgive me, and I hope my mom forgives me too." Then I had the joy of quoting this verse to her. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."(1 John 1:9 NIV) I told her that God does forgive her and so do I.  

As a parent, I must teach my children that there are consequences for sin. The punishment brings sorrow to the child, but "godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation." (2 Corinthians 7:10)

And repentance is what changes behavior. God says, "Prove by the way you live that you have repented of your sins and turned to God." (Matthew 3:8 NLT)

My Brown Eyed Girl

The other day, I was brushing my four year old daughter's hair after a shower. 

"You have beautiful hair like your birth mom," I told her. 

"I miss her!" she replied. "Do you know where she lives so you can take me to visit her?" she asked.

"No, I don't. But we will probably see her on Halloween. She likes to go trick-or-treating."

"Yippee!" She squealed. 

Ever since this conversation, she has talking about seeing her birth family on Halloween. For some adoptive parents, this would have been an uncomfortable exchange with their child, but this is a normal discussion in our family. My four year old daughter doesn't remember much about her birth parents since she has lived with us from infancy, but she knows about her adoption. In the depths of her little heart, she has a special place reserved for her birth mom and dad, and I encourage that. 

It is very important to me that she treasures the beautiful things about herself that come from her biological family. I have hazel eyes and my husband's eyes are bright blue, but she is our brown eyed girl. We are both very tall, but she is so very tiny. We were both generally compliant children, and she is full of fire and strong will. I love all of these things about her so much. I want her to know this. I love all of her, even and especially the traits that don't come from how I am raising her. 

Her birth family has many values, habits, and problems that we pray she doesn't take on as her own when she is grown, but she doesn't need to know about this yet. In time, she will ask why. She will want to know why these people who loved her so much and gave her life did not raise her. When those days come, we will explain a little at a time the reasons why. 

Yet I know in my heart the reason why she is mine is because God ordained her to be mine. His hand was always upon her, protecting her, keeping her safe for me. He prompted her birth mother's heart to pick up the phone at desperate times and ask me to come and take the tiny baby she loved into my home. He provided clothing and diapers and bottles and babysitters through people led by His Spirit to love us into our new role as parents. He calmed my anxious heart and answered my desperate prayers to make her forever mine. And now my prayer is that He would make her forever His, that through my parenting she would know the love of her heavenly Father.

Ephesians 1:11

We were also chosen to belong to him. God decided to choose us long ago in keeping with his plan. He works out everything to fit his plan and purpose. (NIRV)